REMEMBERING THOSE WHO HAVE LOST A BABY

Parent Cue | 1/28/2013 | Lauren Terrell
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I remember the moment I became a mother.

It was early Sunday morning. Still dark outside. My brain was groggy. Exhausted. A million things were running through my head but the loudest was “SLEEP.” I had to wait just a little longer until I could wrap myself back up in my warm bed.

Lines

And then I saw the lines.

Plural.

Lines - Darker - Home - Pregnancy - Test

There were two blue lines growing darker by the second on the home pregnancy test I was holding. My brain froze for a beat. I stopped breathing. Everything was impossibly still. My entire world changed in that moment. It was imperceptible from the outside but every fiber of my being had been transformed. I was no longer just me.

I was a mother.

Moment - Parent - Image - Child - Email

That moment happens differently for every parent. For some it’s seeing the first image of their child in an email from their caseworker. For others, it happens in a phone call from a doctor with news of four healthy embryos. Life changes—people are changed—when you take the first step (or are shoved head first) into parenthood and it rarely happens the first moment you hold your child.

Parenthood starts long before that.

Sunday - Morning - Hours - Things - Date

It probably goes without saying, I did not go back to sleep that Sunday morning. I spent hours googling things like “Due Date Calculator”, “Best prenatal vitamin”, “Embryo at 4 weeks”, “How bad is sushi when you’re pregnant?”, and “Sushi delivery open now”.

Sometime between discovering no one delivers sushi at 6 am on a Sunday (reason #367 to live in NYC) and reading the wonderful term “mucous plug” for the first time, I closed my computer, set my phone aside, laid a hand on my belly and smiled, feeling my capacity for love exploding, all because of this tiny sesame seed growing in my womb.

Sesame - Seed - FIVE - Month

That sesame seed is turning FIVE this month (and...
(Excerpt) Read more at: Parent Cue
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