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I’ve been sharing my reflections on faith and fidelity in a series of posts sparked by Matthew Bates’s book Salvation By Allegiance Alone. In the last post, I departed from the book somewhat to explore the way that belief leads to obedience, and that obedience in turn leads to deeper belief. This post is about some of my own experience with that process, so I encourage you to read that post first.
I thought about posting this separately from this series on faith and fidelity, but I’ve decided to post it here. The series has been fairly academic and theology-heavy; I want to make it clear that this is something that has mattered in my life. Regardless of what context I write about it in, I want to write about this because I know it’s something that most men and many women of my generation have struggled with and continue to struggle with.
Addiction - Pornography - School - Years - Images
I struggled with an addiction to online pornography throughout high school and for several years afterward. Mostly it was images, pretty tame by some standards, but still objectifying, and still harmful to my soul. I am grateful that the internet was mostly too slow in those days to download videos – I know that would have taken me to darker places.
From the time I started, I knew on some level it was wrong. I’d erase my browser history for fear of getting caught, and was found out a few times anyway. But at the same time, I always found ways to justify it – everyone did it, I needed it as an outlet, the images weren’t that bad, I still preferred the idea of a real relationship and genuine marriage. It was always surprising how convincing those things were when I was in the moment, and how flimsy they...
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