The List I Can’t Throw Away

(in)courage | 10/22/2019 | Staff
j.moominj.moomin (Posted by) Level 3
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I came across an old journal while unpacking from a recent move, and my breath caught in my throat.

Life is full of surprises and changes, ups and downs, and a whole lot of days somewhere in between. This particular notebook has moved with me from place to place many times, and I’m certain that one day I’ll pack it up again and bring it along for whatever the next chapter may hold.

Pages - Words - Middle - List - Documents

The pages are full, and I don’t particularly treasure many of the words inside, but if you flip to the middle you’ll find a list that documents a turning point, a line in the sand, a moment I want to always remember. Several years have passed between then and now. The ink has long dried and is starting to fade. But it’s still there, still legible, and with one glance at the page, it all comes back as clearly as if it were written yesterday.

In an attempt to quiet my soul and my mind, I had opened the journal to a blank page, flipping past grocery lists and to-do lists, and wrote out what I wanted most. One after another, I listed what I longed for and the things that kept my mind spinning at night.

Answers

Answers.

Rest.

Healing.

Open doors.

Time

More time.

Peace.

Wisdom

Wisdom.

Reconciliation.

Redemption

Redemption.

Provision.

Page - Hand - Look - Words - Ink

It didn’t take long before I filled the page. As my hand stilled and I took a long, hard look at the words written in ink, a question stirred within me. The lines on the page began to blur as tears filled my eyes at the three simple words I heard in my spirit:

“More than Me?”

Question - Response

The question, unspoken but felt deep within, gently waited for a response.

Slowly, purposely, I began to drag the pen through each desperate cry. I can write about it years later, clean it up and make it sound...
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