There Is No Perfect Formula for a Good Marriage

ChurchLeaders | 7/22/2019 | Staff
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Where I am now has everything do with God and nothing to do with God. Everything that could possibly be so simple and so complicated converging into one place is. . And I know why they disappeared. Leaders, especially. Why they were in for years, and then suddenly they were out. I know why they ghosted. . I myself have been sitting here for seven years. Quietly Thinking. No, longer. Nearly a decade ruminating over my time in a place called church. . When we left, I think my body was in shock. My mind, too. I hadn’t had a moment to myself in years, and there was an overwhelming amount of material to sort through. There was also the sudden quiet. The unfamiliar surroundings. The knowing no one. The jarring lack of things I needed to do. . I walked around my neighborhood in a daze, attempting to make my way through the fog of teachings, people, meetings, words, songs, voices, images, memories. There were good ones, of course. Lots of good ones. But the ones rolling in now weren’t those. . When I wasn’t walking in fog, I was in another mental space. Sitting on the floor in a room surrounded by disorderly stacks of the manila folders of my mind. . And I’m half looking for something. But I’m not sure what that is. So it’s taking forever to find. . While I’m looking for something I don’t know, I start remembering things. Things at the beginning. . Most importantly, the feeling of not feeling safe. . I had forgotten that I felt this way. . . #god #me #people #thinking #writing #writersofinstagram #religion #religious #deconstuction #womanhood #poetry #instapoet #music #spiritual #church #christianity #spirituality #writersofig #writers #writersofinstagram #writerscommunity

A post shared by S H A N N O N B O N N E (@shannon.bonne) on

Author and former purity-culture advocate Joshua Harris announced last week that he is separating from his wife, Shannon. The couple has been married for 20 years, following an experimental kind of pre-marital relationship Harris referred to as courtship and wrote about in his famous book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

“In recent years, some significant changes have taken place in both of us,” the couple wrote in a dual-post they shared to their respective Instagram profiles. The post indicates Josh and Shannon are hoping to remain friends through the process of separation and also mentioned their three children: “We hope to create a generous and supportive future for each other and for our three amazing children in the years ahead.”

Harris - Author - Mega-seller - Goodbye - Harris

Harris is the author of the Christian mega-seller I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which was published in 1997 when Harris was just 21 years old. The book described Harris’ journey of coming to the conclusion that our culture’s modern dating system simply represents a glorified preparation for divorce. The book sold thousands of copies and almost single-handedly convinced a stunning percentage of young evangelical Christians to completely alter their approach to romance and finding a spouse.

Several people who grew up in the heyday of this “purity culture” movement as it is now referred to have expressed their dismay at being sucked into this counter-cultural movement by well-meaning yet misguided youth pastors and parents, or even themselves. The criticism over the system of courtship that Harris (among other Christian influencers such as Eric and Leslie Ludy) pioneered ranges from complaints about developing a skewed view of sexuality to problems finding a spouse to harming their relationship with God.


Shifting Views

In 2016, Harris attempted to re-evaluate the book he published nearly 20 years before. He even participated in a documentary called “I...
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