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When I was single I acutely remember sitting behind a couple in church. His arm around her, her shoulder leaning into him, and I physically ached. I felt so unfelt in my singleness, untouched, and unloved. Of course I knew I was loved, by God and by others, but touch, for me, was where I felt my lack the most. I wasn’t alone in this feeling and it led me to write this piece for Christianity Today years ago and has formed in me a desire to think through touch in a more comprehensive way—the basis of the book project I’m working on. Details here.
I am conscious of that painful ache often in church once again as it’s impossible to avoid the plethora of blessings in the form of babies on Sunday mornings. Fathers standing off to the side with babies in the crook of their arms swaying right to left. Mothers intuitively knowing what their babies need, and yet still so much they’re learning. All the folks behind them with smiles that reach their eyes, knowing the common and collective joy of a newborn. I catch Nate’s eye every once in a while and know he’s thinking it too. The ache. We feel it most when we’re captive in a row with our church family: I have to be here. I have to see this. And I still can’t have it.
Night - Couple - Counseling - Questions - Marriage
Last night we met with a couple with whom we’re doing premarital counseling and one of the questions we talked through was, “What dreams do you think you’ll need to give up in marriage.” This morning I’m thinking through all the no’s we’ve gotten from God since we said yes to one another. They are plenty. They sometimes feel never-ending. They all feel unexpected. And they all hurt.
Wake Up To Breaking News!
Never argue with an idiot, the spectators may not be able to differentiate between you.