Crazy White People News Roundup: Swords, Shafts and Becky With the Bad Attitude | 1/10/2019 | Staff
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Prosecutors say 26-year-old Buckey Wolf killed his brother with a four-foot sword on Sunday in Seattle, which is hard as **** to say three times in a row. The Daily Beast reports that Wolf was known for his pro-Trump rants on Facebook and his affiliation with the Proud Boys, a far-right group that forbids members from masturbating, apparently not aware that some of their members might have superknives.

The Proud Boys deny that Wolf was a part of the organization, insisting that his mental health issues stopped him from becoming a full member. Wolf’s Facebook account, however, made numerous references to the Proud Boys, as well as QAnon, the right-wing conspiracy that believes that Donald Trump is part of a secret plan to save the world from an underground pedophile ring.

QAnon - Believers - Wolf - Illuminati - Men

Like many QAnon believers, Wolf also seemed to think that the Illuminati is composed of lizard men disguised in human skin who come from a royal bloodline that rules the world. Police say that Wolf was yelling about lizards when they apprehended him shortly after the stabbing, which begs one question:

Why the **** do white people like swords so much?

Study - University - Stuff - Know - Percent

A working study from the University of Stuff I Already Know says that 98 percent of sword-related injuries are to white people. I know a dude from my neighborhood we called Tiger Style Tee who used to dress like Michael Jackson back in the day but swore he was a black belt until Leonard Pendergrass knocked him unconscious at the lunchroom salad bar after Tee stooped down, did the Bruce Lee “come on” gesture and said “Why don’t you try my tiger style?”

Leonard knocked that fool out of his penny loafers.

Kung - Fu - Tee - Pair - Nunchucks

Kung Fu Tee always carried a pair of nunchucks but you know what he didn’t have?

A sword!

We need to stop this sword-related...
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