TELLING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

spectrummagazine.org | 12/6/2018 | Staff
Tanya9 (Posted by) Level 3
In our family, we had a weekly event called “Family Council.” It was usually on Sundays, and we covered the schedule for the week, made announcements, had a family worship—and conducted confrontations. I have since heard this referred to as “the airing of the grievances” and I’m sure there are even better ways of describing what happened. But, in essence, it was this: If someone in the family had been hurt by someone else in the family (including our parents), or was upset at a specific behavior, they expressed their feelings and described their concern using an agreed-upon protocol. There were frequently tears, occasionally raised voices, and sometimes the family council went on for hours, but I can’t remember a time when it didn’t also end in hugs and reconciliation.

Since then, as my siblings and I have all muddled through young adulthood and expanded into middle age, we have fewer mechanisms for resolving our concerns with each other. Confrontation has not been normalized or regularized in our lives. Of course, we also have fewer tiffs, but the more we interact with each other (and we do enjoy our time together and always hope for it!), the more “opportunities” there are for rudeness, selfishness, neglect, and laziness to impinge on our relationships. We also are integrating in-laws and young-adult nieces and nephews, so the chances for hurt are huge. I miss having the chance to talk out those little irks and slights before they become gaps or cold wars between us.

Therapist - Nothing - Advice - People - Damaging

I’m not a therapist, and nothing I say here should be taken as advice for people who are in damaging, debilitating relationships—please see your counselors for those deeply rooted wounds. But I would like to make the case that we should be doing much more straight talking to each other, rooted...
(Excerpt) Read more at: spectrummagazine.org
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