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My wife, Ashley, and I love encouraging married couples from all over the world through our ministry at MarriageToday and the XO Marriage Conferences. We love hearing stories of good news when a couple gets engaged or overcomes a hardship in their marriage, but we also hear many stories of heartbreak from couples facing tragedy like discovering evidence of an affair.
Just this morning, I opened my inbox and another familiar message came through. It was from a husband who just found out his wife has been having an affair with his best friend. I can’t imagine how much this double-dose of betrayal must sting. Despite his obvious pain and heartbreak, he was asking about what he could do to try and save the marriage. I told him that I’d be praying for a miracle and then I shared the seven steps to recovery I believe every couple must follow to heal from the aftermath of infidelity.
Spouse - Affair - Things - Healing - Process
When your spouse has had an emotional or physical affair, the first things you must do to start the healing process are:
Choose to forgive. This does NOT mean you trust your spouse at this point. Forgiveness and trust are two different things. Forgiveness is simply saying, “Because I love you, I’m choosing to pursue restoration instead of revenge. I’m choosing to pursue healing instead of hatred.”
Insist - Spouse - Contact - Person - Spouse
Insist on your spouse breaking off ALL contact with the other person involved. If your spouse won’t break off all contact, there’s no opportunity for trust or healing to happen.
Create a policy of total transparency in the marriage. This should include accountability software (like X3Watch or Covenant Eyes) on all phones and devices to block porn and to monitor contacts. Your marriage must have a “Secret-Free Guarantee” from both spouses for the marriage to heal. All marriages need complete transparency...
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