Guardian Writer Claims Trump Made Her Too Weak to Open Jars

NewsBusters | 7/8/2018 | Staff
applekip (Posted by) Level 3
Click For Photo:

Help! President Donald Trump so completely controls my mind that I have been physically weakened to the extent that I can even open jars!

Brigid Delaney, a fitness writer for the Australian edition of The Guardian newspaper, claimed on July 4 that the election of Donald Trump sent her into such a funk that she quit going to the gym with the result that her body strength declined precipitously. Delaney made her revelation of Trump's complete domination of her mind and body in I stopped going to the gym because of Trump. Now I can't open jars:

November - Person - Trump - US - Election

It was November 2016 and the only person I knew who believed Trump would win the US election was the owner of my gym. This was clearly a ridiculous prediction so, seeing the chance for some easy money, I offered to bet him $100 that Hillary would win.

A sure bet to win, right? Or so you as well as the entire mainstream media and the crowd at the Javits Center thought on Election Night.

Gym - Owner - Dough - Thing - Corner

But the gym owner, clearly not wanting to do his dough, pointed at this horrible thing in the corner with the name “sled” and said: “If Trump wins you have to pull 70kg on it.”

It was double what I could usually pull. And, if I won the bet, the gym owner would pull double his personal best.

Hey - Bucks

Hey, at least he saved you a hundred bucks.

After Trump claimed victory, I went up to the gym in a foul mood. “Just **** load up the **** sled, all right, and let’s get it over with,” I said without much grace as I strapped a belt around my waist.

Guardian - F-words - Glory

Amazingly, The Guardian published the f-words in their complete, obscene glory.

I pulled the sled like a human oxen while being filmed and the gym staff cheered....
(Excerpt) Read more at: NewsBusters
Wake Up To Breaking News!
Sign In or Register to comment.

Welcome to Long Room!

Where The World Finds Its News!