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‘In Hollywood,’ said Groucho Marx, ‘brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.’ It was with that cheerily cynical view in mind that I tuned in to watch Prince Harry marry his Hollywood bride, Meghan Markle.
I’ll be honest: as this chaotic Royal Wedding week unfolded, I began to fear Groucho was on to something.
Wife - Harry - Divorcee - Family - Bonkers
If you were choosing a wife for Harry, you probably wouldn’t start with a 36-year-old divorcee whose family are so bonkers she could only risk inviting two of them to the wedding – and one of those was a no-show.
All the will-he-or-won’t-he drama surrounding Meghan’s father Thomas could have come straight from an episode of her old US TV series Suits and will have merely confirmed to old-guard Palace sceptics that you pair a Royal with a commoner at your peril.
Doubts - Guests - Carpet - Hollywood - Awards
My doubts were not alleviated when the guests began to arrive and it quickly resembled the red carpet at any Hollywood awards show.
There were the Clooneys, Sir Elton (in ominous rose-tinted spectacles), Idris Elba, Tom Hardy, Carey Mulligan, James Corden, Oprah, Serena Williams, her former Suits co-stars, James Blunt and, of course, the Beckhams; David sporting a dazzling set of unsightly neck tattoos and Victoria wearing her habitually depressing scowl.
Chloe - Madeley - Invitation - Nod - Doormat
Even Chloe Madeley got the invitation nod, making me fruitlessly double-check my own doormat for any last minute call-up.
The large crowd whooped ecstatically with each celebrity sighting and the stars waved with as much faux regalness as they could muster.
Mind - Question - NONE - Family - Marriage
But as I watched, my mind kept going back to one uneasy question: how can you justify having NONE of your family at your own marriage when you’re filling the church with famous people whom you’ve known for a fraction of the time?
They are not, of course. There are no bigger stars than the British Royals, no other...
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