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My name is Diane, and I’m a grateful believer in Jesus who has victory over love and relationship addiction and codependency. I’m overcoming pride, judgmental thoughts, and grief.
I’m the oldest of four. My father was an alcoholic and my mom was a critical, judgmental codependent. Both parents brought their own baggage into the marriage, which flowed downhill to us kids. So like many families, ours was dysfunctional.
Result - Love - Love - Feelings - Insecurity
As a result, I grew up believing love was conditional and I had to earn it and prove I was worthy of love. This led to feelings of unworthiness and insecurity, and to people-pleasing, perfectionism, codependency, and love and relationship addiction. I was not raised in church but accepted Christ as a teenager. I quickly turned back to the world. Soon after, I discovered I could get the attention, affirmation, and affection I needed from boys by using my body. I mistakenly equated sex with love.
I used sex, love, and relationships to feel valuable and loved. They were just a means to an end, a temporary fix to dull my emotional pain. These choices would initially produce good feelings of love, affection, and acceptance. But shame, guilt, and pain of rejection came afterward.
Fix - Others - High - Ugliness - Insecurity
I was always looking for the next emotional fix. I used others to give me the emotional high I needed to mask the ugliness and insecurity inside that I couldn’t face. Love and relationships were my drugs of choice—I used them like others use drugs or alcohol.
I quickly grew disillusioned with each relationship and moved on to the next. I’ve had many broken relationships, four failed marriages, and four children. Three of my children have struggled with alcohol issues.
Church - Life - World
I began attending church again in my 30s; I got baptized and rededicated my life. But I was still living in the world and...
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