Kevin Smith’s 13 Best Jokes From His Graphic Comic-Con Recap of His Near-Fatal Heart Attack

IndieWire | 7/22/2018 | Staff
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San Diego Comic-Con fixture Kevin Smith spent the first half of his improvised, 90-minute Hall H talk giving a beat-by-beat account of the heart attack he suffered in February. “I didn’t die, but I was real **** close,” said the 47-year-old filmmaker, who also used his stage time to promote fundraising for his Rivit TV series, “Hollyweed,” and to energize fans about “Jay & Silent Bob Reboot” (shooting this November).

Smith’s family has a history of cardiac problems: His father “died screaming” during his own heart attack at age 67, while his mother has a stent in one of her arteries. During his personal ordeal, Smith learned that his LAD artery was 100 percent blocked. The heart attack happened while Smith was filming Showtime comedy specials at the Alex Theatre in Glendale, California. Instead of escorting him to the closest emergency room, knowledgable first responders took him to Adventist Health Glendale, one of the nation’s best cardiology hospitals.

Smith - End - Presentation - Delivery - Self-deprecation

Smith became emotional toward the end of his presentation. But most of his delivery was raunchy self-deprecation. Here are 13 of his most-memorable quips.

“I used to **** drink a lot of milk, but I’m vegan now. I used to be happy, now I’m a **** vegan.”

Hands - Firefighters - Bob - Touchdown

“I put my hands up, to try to facilitate easier breathing…[The firefighters are] looking at each other like, ‘Why is Silent Bob celebrating a touchdown?'”

“I was like, ‘Why the **** did you [call an ambulance]? This is going to be embarrassing. They’re going to get here and take one look at me with a flashlight and be like, ‘He just smoked too much weed.'”

Pounds - Grabs - Hockey - Jersey - Lifts

“This was nearly 50 pounds ago…[The medic] grabs my hockey jersey, and lifts it up, because she’s going to put the wires on me, and every titty I had fell out.”

“Six firemen came over, stuck their...
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